Well, last saturday was a bad day for me. Not only did i become unemployed, i became single too. Now, without going into too much detail, i was replaced in both instances which just leaves me wondering;

How the hell will I ever be good enough?


So yeah, don't expect me on her for awhile. As much as Sam didn't treat me very well, I loved her. I put everything into the relationship, and now, it feels like such a large part of me has been taken. It's unreal. So, i've spent almost everyday since then, drinking and smoking more within the last couple of days, than i have in months. On saturday, my two closest friends, Jayni and Paul came round, and i spent 45 minutes crying solidly into Jayni's shoulder. Then Paul stayed round as he thought i'd go crazy (good call on him) and there was more crying. On the bright side, I have the most amazing friends in the world, slightly made worse by the fact Sam doesn't want to lose my friends as her own due to the breakup. Which is fair enough, but I can't help feeling jealousy at the moment; they're my friends. She did say she would prefer to stay friends but, as I told her, I love her. It would tear me apart *just* being her friend. So I haven't spoken to her since, and I miss everything about her. But i've just got to try and be strong i suppose.


But to be honest, it's pretty hard, I miss her.


I hope all is well.